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Fucked up!

Hmm... updates on my life.
- It's already October the 22th.
- 20 days countdown left.
- Lectures are over.
- Exams has begun.
- 5 out of 7 paper, done.
- Bear is hanging out more often with us.
- The house is getting more and more loud, not in a bad way of course.
- I no longer hate that one person, but instead it moved to another person.
- I hurt my best friend's feeling, I guess.
- I am being totally ignorant, yeah, definitely.
- I am really really done with pretending to be nice, when I don't want to.
- I got into a very mixed up trouble which causes me to look like a super fucking coward.
- I was in a tight spot that is really close of me getting hit by someone's boyfriend.



So, that's it? Nope, there's more to it, of course. Let's talk about the good things first!

- Lan or so-called Bear has finally decided to get along well with us. Not that we're on bad terms before, it is just that now he's spending and making more time for us. Which means that now, he'll probably join us for a lot of outings, like some previous posts which you guys would have read *cough cough*.
- With new addition such as Bear and Adi, the house is getting merrier by the minute. It's always loud and fun to look at these guys bickering or pulling pranks on each other. Laughing, playing games, jokes and watching tv together, all of these fun things that made me smile to have such friends.
- I found out that Myra didn't take the job offer in Johor, so she's staying in KL. That means that I'll have her to spend time with during the coming semester break. Thank goodness!
- Kak Mira, or Mira, as I will call her from now on, is officially my best bitch forever. For real! She's so far that can take up with my bitchiness, share a lot of common thing together and the fact that she's really cool and mental-headed like me. You're officially my best bitch, bitch! Too bad that you live in Ipoh, that means that no outing with you during semester breaks.

Moving on to some of the things that is not-so-pleasant.

- Two months back, I had this misunderstanding with one of my housemate, leading him to thinking that I was the blame for the fight that he had with his girlfriend. I'm not trying to defend myself of bring up the details of the fight here, but all I know is that, because of that incident, he was totally fucked up with me and refuse to talk to me. I realized it and I played along. Keeping quiet and not trying to mess with him anymore. Now, he is not that super furious at me any longer and he can talk to me if there's a need for it. Well, at least I know he's not totally angry.
- One guy chilled to freeze, another bursting into flame. Just as the previous housemate was no longer mad at me, another came into total fury with me. I'm going to spare the details for this one because it's pure immaturity. So, now, I have another housemate that is totally ignoring my existence. I don't mind really, because of him, I had finally realized that I am so fucking tired of trying to fix everything. If he wanted to dis or ignore or simply cast me out from his views, that is abso-fucking-lutely fine. I don't need his approval or disapproval for my life. I don't need him to keep me happy, I have others who are much more willing. And frankly, I am kind of glad to had this sort of fight with him, because now I don't have to hide my real feelings about him.  It's a great relief, actually.
- Recent case : I'll spare explicit details, all you guys need to know is that one of my girl friend's boyfriend came to me, asking me of his girlfriend's whereabouts. And I, not knowing how to handle that situation, fled cowardly with 'my tails tuck between my leg', asking for protection from my best friend. He helped me to calm that guy down, and it kind of worked but it was still creepy. I acted cowardly that night. And I swear from that night, I am so not gonna get involved into things like that anymore.
- When a joke goes wrong : my best friend, who has been there for me as I have been there for him for two years, was hurt because of a joke we cracked up on him. I don't know what to say. And as I was saying before, if people refuses to talk me to me anymore, they can go sulking to their heart's content. I'm done. Although it is quite saddening to lose him for a just a mere joke which I think wasn't all that bad or too sensitive. He thinks I'm thoughtless, well I think he's ...........
- Personality problem. I am an outspoken and rude person, truthfully. I cuss, curse and totally insensitive to other people's feelings. But as a moralized person, I tried to be good to others and be nice to them. But as things goes along the journey, you'll eventually learn that everyone tend to have the same mind-set as you are. They're artificially engineered. Get what I mean? We're all not who we say we are. I say I am thoughtful which I am totally not. But I do admit one truth about me, I am a bitch.

So, yeah. There are some fucked up shit happening in my life right and changes seemed like the most suitable and profitable answer that I am looking for right now. But honestly, I don't know. I just want to get out of this mess, really. I don't care whether it's my fault or not. If it is, then I'm sorry. If it isn't, then fuck you. I had to mentally challenged myself to find a solution, throughout a couple of weeks. If that's how they're gonna play it, then screw them. I'm so damn fucking tired.

By the way, wish me luck for my final two paper and hope that I could score my pointer better this semester! Thanks for reading. I know I rant and complain a fucking lot.

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